Lying, Liars, and Manipulation: Fish Don’t Burn In the Kitchen and Beans Don’t Burn On the Grill

       Welcome to this week’s Blonde Intelligence with me, Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. I hope everyone that celebrated Thanksgiving had a lovely as could possibly be holiday. This week I want to speak about lying, liars, and manipulation. I recently did an interview with a music industry professional and he spoke of being taken advantage of early in his career. This led me to speak about the signs of manipulation and lying to help someone, including myself, avoid being taken advantage of in this thing that we call business.

       I want to start by explaining the second part of the title of the blog. I am sure you are wondering what lying, liars, and manipulation has to do with fish and beans…I will explain, just hold on. According to Farr (2020) in Ja'Net DuBois’ composition of “Moving On Up”, the theme song to the Jefferson's, the lyrics “…Fish don’t burn in the kitchen and beans don’t burn on the grill” is a comparison between her old life and her new life. That in her new life she did not have to eat inexpensive foods with not always an alluring aroma AND do all of the cooking as she did in her old life.

       Lying is a person not telling the truth and a liar is the person that is doing the act of not telling the truth. We all know that…right? Manipulation is an extension of that ballgame. Lying is the primary tool manipulative people use to continue living a hidden life (Brenner, 2016). Brenner also states that the highest priority to the person that is doing the lying is to avoid responsibility. According to Harvard Business Review, IN BUSINESS THERE IS NO SHORTAGE OF LIES AND PEOPLE THAT TELL LIES AT ALL LEVELS OF BUSINESS. A person who has power over others often feels more comfortable lying (Rosenthal & Anderson, 2011). There are behavioral signals and signs to manipulative liars. When evaluating a potential liar, three behavioral signals must be considered. Those three signals are discomfort, evasiveness, and manipulation.

       Consideration has to be given to what is said and how it is said, and understand behavioral clues or entrapment defense (Rosenthal & Anderson, 2011). Discomfort-the person seems uncomfortable about the things that they are talking about and will want to hurry up and cut the conversation. Example, the person that is doing the manipulative lying will always have a meeting or another phone call shortly after a discussion begins, appearing to always be busy. The second of the three behavioral signals are evasiveness-withholding information or provides vague conversation when specifics on information are requested. Manipulation is the third behavioral signal of a liar. Manipulation is the use of suspect data or lies to make promises that cannot be delivered on or keep a person under their control.

       Manipulative people may provide a façade of being respectable to lure people into entrapment before finally showing their true colors (Brennon, 2016). Brennon (2016) also states that manipulative people can be passive aggressive or vicious and will resort to personal attacks and criticism. According to, Psychology Today, there are nine traits to manipulative people. Manipulative people lack insight and believe that their way of handling things is the only way. Manipulative people do not understand the concept of boundaries, they will feed off of people at the other person’s expense.

        A manipulator will avoid responsibility for one’s own conduct by blaming others for causing the conduct. A manipulative person will prey on someone they consider weaker, especially conscientious people. They feel that they will have a successful chance of manipulating a kind person or a person that wants to help. They start with praise of that person’s willingness to help, but it slowly slacks off because it's only to get a service. Manipulative people will often talk behind your back the same way they talk to you about others.

       Manipulative people will intentionally commit to misconstruing information and intentionally having misunderstandings. With a manipulative person you have to watch and observe them closely. Red flags will start to emerge and their true intentions show themselves. A manipulative person puts a gigantic amount of energy into imitating a good person. You have to reexamine, examine, and examine again your beliefs and your belief system because a manipulative person will attempt to manipulate your thinking. Such as using criticism as a way to try to control you or make you work harder for their benefit.

       Know the signs….don’t let lying, liars, and manipulation make you miss your turn at bat….Why? Because fish don’t fry in the kitchen and beans don’t burn on the grill….Always move forward, never backwards and tricks are for goats.

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References
Brenner, A. (2016, October 27). 9 Classic Strategies of Manipulative People. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201610/9-classic-strategies-manipulative-people

Du'Bois, J., & Waters, O. (1975). Moving On Up [Recorded by J. Du'Bois]. United States of America.

Farr, E. (2020, September 16). What does the line "Fish don't fry in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill" mean in the song "Movin' On Up"? Retrieved from Quora: https://www.quora.com/What-does-the-line-Fish-dont-fry-in-the-kitchen-beans-dont-burn-on-the-grill-mean-in-the-song-Movin-On-Up

Rosenthal, B., & Anderson, C. M. (2011, June 17). To Catch a Liar. Retrieved from Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2011/06/to-catch-a-liar