“Black women are so unprotected” Megan Thee Stallion
Welcome to this week’s Blonde Intelligence with me, Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. This week I want to dig a little into how Black Men actually treat Black Women. I interviewed several men and women on their definition of what a “good man” is. It seems that men equate being a good man to having assets. Whereas women look at the emotional aspects of the male personality. One man deemed himself as a good man because he had a career, a pension, took care of his children, had a home, and was independent. But that same man has a woman that he talks to out of state, two women on opposite sides of town, and a roommate that he sleeps with sometimes. See, all of the assets that he feels deem him as a good man….but what does his actions say? And he is doing this to Black Women….
According to the Good Man Project (2018) a good man is secure, not arrogant, he treats everyone with respect until given a reason not to, he is loyal and a man of his word. He is a protector and takes responsibilities for his actions. A good man expresses his emotions and doesn’t hold stereotypes. Last week I touched on emotional abuse and provided some red flags to look for, but we need to look at the everyday emotional abuse of Black Women specifically at the hands of Black Men. We always hear Black Men say that a Black Woman is supposed to be his peace, but what peace is being provided to her? According to Bromell (2020) Black Women’s obligation of defending and protecting Black Men is not reciprocated in the same manner. Look how our Black Women are referred to in music. I got a song to review and every other sentence was about what he was going to tell that bitch to do and what this bitch did. I had to tell him…you know that you were submitting to a woman….right? The problem is that he did know that he was submitting to a woman, but the mistreatment of Black Women has become so common that he did not see his faux pas.
It seems that respect for Black Women is not given, Black Men will respect a woman because he knows her, but will freely disrespect a Black Woman he doesn’t know. This week I have read so many posts by men on their disagreement in a particular divorce settlement, totally disrespecting a woman that they don’t even know….what the hell? According to www.scholars.org, Black Women are expected to embody strength at all times, even when they are unable to do so. Strength through taking care of the kids, strength through the other woman she found out about, strength through dealing with his low vibrational family members and friends, strength through broken promises, strength through him just up and leaving, strength through him not calling anymore, strength through all the disrespect on so many levels….on top of racism and all other societal pressures.
According to www.ReachOut.com, an emotional abuser’s goal is to undermine another person’s feeling of self-worth and independence. Black Men do you think cheating, lying, using money as leverage, ghosting, not taking responsibility for f@ck ups, verbal abuse, and in some cases physical abuse help build a Black Woman self-worth? Would it build yours as a Black Man? How would it make you feel? Just because you have assets does not give you the freedom to disrespect and emotional abuse the very damn place you seek for your peace. Black Men evaluate your treatment of All Black Women because if your actions and/or words undermine her feelings of self-worth in any situation, it is emotional abuse.
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Welcome to this week’s Blonde Intelligence with me Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. This week I want to touch on emotional abuse and signs to watch out for when dating. When people think of abuse they commonly think of physical abuse and verbal abuse, but emotional abuse precedes and are a part of both physical and verbal abuse. A perpetrator of emotional abuse can be a parent, spouse, romantic partner, and co-worker/supervisor, or even a child. According to Psychology Today, emotional abuse is gradual and subtle that slowly damages the victim’s confidence and self-esteem in which the recovery period is longer than physical violence. Recently I did a podcast on dating after divorce and one of the points one of the panelists made was, when dating you have to be discerning and look at red flags because the dating scene has changed. Also, you have to be discerning about who you introduce to your children.
While reading the article, The Truth About Abusers and What To Do, it says despite the fact the person is expressing love and affection, some red flags of a potential abuser are unwilling to compromise, outburst of anger, rude, critical of you and or family (including children), jealous, possessive, paranoid, and threats. The article also stated that physical violence often does not begin until after marriage or childbirth when its harder to leave. In the article 10 Relationship Red Flags (2014) a partner that doesn’t communicate, immature, can’t be trusted, unliked by friends and family, controlling, secretive, or abusive (emotional, psychological, physical) are indicators that some questions and answers need to critically evaluated.
Yet we see a woman or a man get dogged out and never leave. Some will let their own children get abused. Grownups teasing a child until they are crying is abuse. An adult hitting a small child hard as they can is abuse. Telling little boys that they are not supposed to cry is suppressing their feelings is abuse. Recently there was a video on Facebook where a father abused his daughter while his wife recorded it. The wife was talking shit in the background giving instructions on how to abuse his own daughter. Were there not any red flags. If a man or woman hits you or talk to you any kind of way…..how do you think he or she will treat your children when you are not around? As Sommore said, you have to find out if a ni@@a has a tendency to beat some ass. If you know a person has issues…look at the red flags. Remember emotional abuse precedes other abuse….watch out for the red flags.
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Hello Welcome to this week’s Blonde Intelligence with me, Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. This week I want to talk about collaborations. In my observance, I have seen independent artists drop a whole album without any collaborations. I have seen artists collaborate with the same artists project after project. If the people that you hang with are all the features that you have, then you are not growing your fanbase or the money. In any kind of business, smart collaborations are essential for success.
According to openmicuk.co.uk, music collaboration between artists are best when they are a complementary team working towards the same agreed upon goal and at the same time, increase your exposure. Question: If you are an artist and let’s say your fanbase is decent in one geographical area of your region, but are lacking in other regions, where would you seek collabs? Any artist that wants to grow their fanbase will seek out opportunities to find beneficial collabs. Beneficial does not always mean who is big time. I had an artist manager submit his artist work to me. He had an album full of legendary heavy hitters on each track. So I asked how much was paid for these features and he said $20,000. I asked why? He said because the artist wanted to prove that he could hang. My head started hurting….I was thinking, this manager thought it was a good idea for his new independent artist to spend $20,000 on collabs for his first album…no former ep, mixtape, single or anything. I asked him…don’t you think he probably should have released an ep with two hitters and a couple of up and rising artists in different areas….and put his money into promotion and videos. I guess he didn’t like my thoughts, although he asked.
Another artist had previously released six full albums and every feature was the same group of artists on each album. And if you checked the artist featured projects, it was the same scenario. I see re-emerging independent artists release an album without any features, new artists without features. Collabs without split sheets….ummm split sheets are a part of those agreed upon goals. I had an artist tell me that he needed some music registered, so I asked for a copy of the split sheet and was told that they told him that he could have all the rights….I will say a collab already gone so wrong. Collabs promote team building. It shows that you as an artist are able to successfully work with other professionals in the industry. Collaborations increase your exposure when both parties put in the same work to promote the project. Successful collaborations pave the way for more collaboration and not always in the form of working with other artists. Collabs should extend business contacts between parties as well as monetary gains. In any kind of business, smart collaborations are essential for success.You are collaborating right….is it the right kind???
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Welcome to this week’s Blonde Intelligence with me, Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. This past week I viewed a clip of a scene from a new television show. In the clip it shows a black woman screaming and throwing a shoe at what appeared to be a sitting pregnant woman. That type of disrespect really disturbed me. This leads me to this week’s question: How do black women really treat other black women? There is always talk about women empowerment, black girls rock, sisterhood, etc…but are we really modeling a positive behavior towards our own sisters, especially in the media?
Brooklynn K, Hitchens wrote an interesting article in 2017, Girl Fights and the Online Media Construction of Black Female Violence and Sexuality. For this article, women who fought on WorldStarHipHop.com were studied and the findings suggested that there is an over-representation of depictions of Black women as perpetrators and the amount of physical violence shown. This means that most of the time when Black women are shown in the media, they are predominantly fighting. We see plenty of media content with mainly fights and of those fights it's mainly Black women fighting. We see some footage of small events of women empowerment. I am a strong believer in you teach people how to treat you as a Black woman. As a Black woman I sit on my throne in High Priestess mode. This means no shoes thrown, no drinks thrown, no wigs being pulled off, no public fights, no asking no damn questions, the STRENGTH to agree to disagree and walk away amicably. Now in the situation mentioned above….I would not give a half a f@*k about why a person keeps my name in their mouth, never remove yourself from your throne. Once one breaks the “Girl Code”, they never get the gift of your presence ever again.
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Welcome to Blonde Intelligence with me, Ms. Roni, where I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. I have observed, when speaking with many independent artists and even some that are signed to labels, phrases that totally eliminate the business side of their craft. Phrases such as: “I’m just an artist, I just do music, I just show up, Ion worry bout none of that”….. This week I wanted to do a little musing about at least learning a tanch about the industry as an artist. “Tanch” is Southern for a lil bit, a smidgen. You know like from the Players Club (1998)…”Did you at least pinch the bitch”….. One thing that I learned from listening to interviews with professional artists is mainly two common themes. One is “I didn’t learn the business”, the other, “I had to learn the business”.
I have always studied for projects and if I can do the task myself, I will and If I can’t I will pay someone else to do it. But you better believe that I will know if you’re using the wrong kind of screws in my shower pan. As an artist, things like types of royalties, master recordings, publishing, copyright, distribution, transferring distribution, etc. should be of working knowledge. Having this working knowledge will protect you against being taken advantage of. I remember I had contacted a promoter and before I could even say anything beyond hello, he hit me with my partner and I would need to be flown out to meet with the artist, hotel…etc. with services and I had not said but one word. If you don’t learn, some of these “professionals” will have you paying the cable bill while your lights are off. As one producer said in one of my recent interviews….” notice I said music….business…..music business”. Being A musical artist is a business and tricks are for goats. I just do music…..ummm…no.
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